But I Am Okay
by Sadame X
Summary: Van wakes up every morning feeling perfectly fine, and sees the world around him that everything is where it should be. But something inside of him asks him: why is he feeling fine? Please read and review! : Enjoy!


_I would like to give my thanks to _**Cloud Fallen Angel **(formerly **Evilen**) _for pointing out the errors to me and made me change Van's recent demotion, and gave him his rightful title. I'm very sorry for the mistake!_

_Thank you very much for continuing to read my works! Have fun!_

_Sadame-neechan 082104_

**But I Am Okay**

It was a clear, sunny day in Fanelia. Van wandered about the halls of his palace, taking a leisurely stroll along the sun-filled corridors and courts. Everyone was surprised at first to see him wandering about places where he didn't usually go to, like the kitchens and the extensive libraries. All the court functionaries and chambermaids were very nervous, but courteous of him, and after a while he got the impression that he was making them feel as if they were being monitored, so he left them quietly.

Idly, he'd walk by the gardens, spotting Merle chasing butterflies. She spots him and waves at him cheerfully, as she pounces off the bench where she was sitting to get to him. "Good morning, Lord Van," she said happily, almost purring. "How is your day?"

Van smiled. He was a bit surprised that he could do it, but he did. "I'm fine, Merle, just fine."

Merle's face creased into an expression of wonder. "You're not feeling heavy, or... sad, in any way?" she asked apprehensively.

"No, Merle. I'm okay." He answered, and started to walk outside towards the fields. He stopped for a while before reaching the ornate arched gates and called back to his cat friend. "Would you like to walk with me, Merle?"

_That_ startled her. "Me?" she said, automatically running down beside him, then giving him a big, happy smile. "Okay!" she exclaimed as they walked together down the fields and forest trails.

They had walked in silence for quite some time, more to enjoy the scenery than anything. There's nothing quite like viewing nature at its best. The morning and the newly risen sun had stained the whole picturesque paradise of Gaea with a fresh, radiating look. They passed by fields of wildflowers and butterflies of every hue imaginable. They walked under sun-dappled pathways beneath the shade of acres and acres of trees that stretch out their branches longingly as if trying to reach the sun. Van quietly looked with some fascination at how beautiful everything really was. Everything seemed so peaceful and almost sacred, that to utter even a single word would somehow profane that majestic beauty. Merle also seemed to feel the same, and she walked beside him quietly, her expression shifting from wonder to excitement and sheer happiness. Sometimes a rabbit's head would pop out, or a deer's muzzle would pop out from a nearby bush, and Merle's ears would twitch involuntarily, an almost uncontrollable urge to chase them overpowering her. But, feeling the same sense of sacredness like that of Van, she decided that she should not desecrate that most serene forest and left them alone.

After a few hours of walking, they saw a crystal clear pool by the bend of the forest path. The trees surrounding it had deeper foliage, and the ground was carpeted by lush, dark green moss. Beside the pool where the small trickling waterfall was close by, the earth was damp with seeping water from the pool, and thousands and thousands of butterflies were fluttering about them like tiny angels, drinking from that damp spot in the earth. The few open spaces between the canopy above them permitted slanted shafts of golden sunlight to shine through, and the small insects that hover into it glinted like fireflies or jewels on fire.

They took a break in that pristine pool, drinking and washing their faces with the cool, sweet-tasting water, then they took their shoes and rested, drinking in the beauty of that secluded, almost secret place. But they were still silent, contented in merely watching the butterflies that ignored these two strangers that have strayed in their little oasis.

Van looked around with a sense of happiness in his heart. He was perfectly fine, he wasn't ill, he wasn't sad or lonely in any way at all, and in fact, he could honestly swear that he had never felt better. Here he was, in the most magical of places, where his kingdom flourished and the people were happy and free from war, enjoying this otherworldly scenery with his best friend, and everything was absolutely perfect. Not a single thing was out of place. Everything was in its rightful place, as it should be. But one thing has bothered Van since he awoke early this morning. One question kept popping inside his mind for all this time: _Why?_

_Why _is everything right where it should be?

_Why_ is everything so perfect and so beautiful?

_Why_ am I feeling so happy and contented?

_Why do I feel okay?_

As the sun was quietly setting in the western horizon, staining the whole world with a shade of pink, Merle came up to Van silently and sheepishly asked him a question that had been nagging at her for quite some time now. "Lord Van," she started a bit hesitantly. "Are you sure that you feel okay?"

Van looked at her with a straight face, smiled and said, "Yes, Merle. I am okay." He stopped for a while, then asked Merle the question that he wanted to ask for himself. "Why?"

Merle hesitated for a while, bowed her head, and softly said, "Because it's been a month since Hitomi had gone away, and you don't even seem sad."

Van didn't return any answers, but simply walked on. The blue, mystic moon had risen low over the horizon by the time they topped a rise and saw the ornamental arched gates from where they walked out that morning, when Merle studied his king's face with the starlight bathing him with their luminescence. "I don't seem sad, Merle, because I'm not." He turned to her and smiled. "Because I am okay."

Now, as he walked alone towards his room inside the palace with the mystic moon trailing along behind him, he had found the answer he was searching for all this time. He looked gravely at the mystic moon, gazed longingly at its wonderful blue light, and thought of the girl he loved.

_Hitomi,_

_I'm not able to see you, but it's okay._

_Not able to talk to you, but it's still okay..._

_I'm happy even though you're not here beside me, but..._

_I just want you to know that..._

_Everytime I realize that you're gone... Eversince that day you have been gone..._

..._My life is incomplete, even though I am okay._

End


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